| My love.... |
[Jul. 23rd, 2007 10:44 am] |
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I miss the times you'd softly kiss my forehead when you thought that I was sleeping. I miss the weight of your arm across my chest before bed. I miss waking up legs entwined. I miss the coffee you'd bring me in bed every morning, just the way I like it, even adding an ice cube or two. I miss the silver platters. I miss you resting your head on me while you played video games and I pretended to read, but just watched you. I really miss cuddling on the couch, you, me and the dogs, watching movies. I miss trying hard not to jump at scary movies. I miss you laughing when I did. I miss sneaking into the three dollar movies with you. I miss the way no one understood anything we said. I miss all the inside jokes. I miss sitting with you while you had your cigarette. I miss the way you told my ex's I wasn't there when they called. I miss getting mad at you for this. I miss the way you yelled at me when you thought I'd spent the night with someone else. I miss the way you'd wished it was me. I miss when you cried. I miss the sounds of you cracking you neck and back, sounds I hated so much. I miss the way you laughed at me. I miss asking you stupid questions like "why are there two red turn arrows?". I miss hearing your answers. I miss the way you said "yes dear" because you knew it aggravated me. I miss the way you looked at me from across a crowded room. Martha misses Jim. Mallory misses Mickey. I miss your energy in the morning when I couldn't get up. I miss days you'd crawl deeper into our bed, your face pressed to my collarbone, saying you didn't wanna get up. I miss our private drives and nights wed just lay in bed together for hours. I miss the way you howled. I miss the way you'd put on our song (one of them) when I was down and dance. I miss you in the passenger seat. I miss you ordering taco bell drive through through my sunroof. I miss how you broke one part of my car trying to fix another. I miss the nights you cooked us dinner. I miss you taking me out for dinner and getting us the good table. I miss the petty arguements. I miss your eyes. I miss you grabbing my hand. I miss your voice. I miss the way you said stubbornly, "I take care of you!". And you did. I miss Valentines night on the boat. I miss our little secret in the back of the jeep. I miss watching the sunset and sunrise with you. I miss hearing you tell me you need me, the way you said you loved me, telling me your son wouldn't have had a father without me. I miss the secrets you put into me. I miss you gloating about your muscles because you know I hated them. I miss wandering through blockbuster confused, because we'd rented almost everything. I miss driving all the way to Broooklyn with you to work and half those days not working. I miss soap and hose fights at work. I miss sipping on beers with the mechanic. I miss you pumping my gas. I miss the way you leaned I my window while you pumped my gas. I miss the way you brushed my hair out of my eyes while I was driving. I miss your side of the room always being cleaner than mine. I miss watching you and my little brother play video games. I miss throwing little girl undies at him on stage at the recher. I miss youre mixed drinks. I miss the way you slipped in the snow. I miss your eyes when I was sad. I miss even the nights you cried. I miss that smile, and that laugh. You know the ones. I miss you siding with my mother on arguements. Working on my car with my step father. I miss you trying to teach my mother and grandmother about Darkon. I miss the long rides to Reunion Farm and back. I miss your touch. I miss your body. I miss stolen moments and late nights in bed. I miss you creeping up behind me. I miss you turning the tv back on. I miss falling asleep to you watching television. I miss you holding me hard in the middle of the night because the nightmares were back. I miss the way your face looked even when I hurt you. I miss how mad and concerned you got when I went out to the bar without you. I miss the way you protected me. I miss the way you missed me when you were gone. I miss the litte presents you brought me. I miss the way you made me feel. I miss the life you gave back to me. I miss the reasons you gave me to live. I miss my love. I miss my heart. I miss you Puppy. May you finally find peace, for no one deserved it more and no one was more loved. My hero, my best friend, my lover, my entire reason for being. Ill try to do right by you, but you deserved more than this world had to offer and I will never look at another man the way I looked at you. I will never love the ways I have loved you. I will always be only yours, forever. Rest now, my Pup. 2.11.83 - 7.10.07 |
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| Game Over |
[Aug. 14th, 2006 07:43 pm] |
Before I even get into this, fourth row tickets tonight at the pier.
Alright look - I have stayed out of this as much as possible. I have let you lead your little life and go about thinking you are anything more than a train wreck I couldn't look away from. But how dare you, make posts at me, as if you know anything. I don't know who hacked into your little space, but I didn't do it. I have no interest in you or your life. And you want to bring him into this? Do you really? Well are you ready for it?
We were together, and we were together for a while, and he lived with me. Finally we ended things, after the most painful and emphatic year and half of my life. So then you two started dating. But guess what? He and I never stopped doing our thing. Even while you two were "dating". Numerous times. And that last time, you know what I did? I left that house, I got in my car and I could not believe what I had done, not for you but because I couldn't believe I would lower myself down to the standards you and him pride yourselves at. We didn't have sex... at least that night. And just so you know, I was told more often than not what you said, like how you said he was more affectionate with you when he was mad at me. What do you think that means? And in the past six months I ran into him, at one of the hotel parties, and he swore up and down you two weren't together anymore, and I didn't care. And when I left that hotel party wtihout saying a word of goodbye to him, when Jeremy came running after me, he told Jeremy to tell me he loved me. And when just a couple weeks ago he called for directions to Kevins grave, when he hung up, he said I love you. Still says I love you.
And who was there for you? Who sat with you so often when you were sobbing hysterical about the man I was with? Me! I sat there and listened to you tell me how much you loved him and how hurt you were meanwhile he and I were together! Wasnt that big of me? I'll never know what set you off. I'll never know when you suddenly came to hate me, I'll tell you I never lost sleep over it, I never cried over you, in fact I laughed in your face. But how dare you say I hacked into your space because I lost someone "I thought loved me." Little girl you will never understand. You are a child and the word love in your world doesn't exist outside of your narrcisitic brain. You are a mess. You are a child. You are a small fraction of a being.
You can't touch anything that I am. Anything that I have. You're jealousy and envy are crippling to you, and I'll stand back calmly basking in the absense of guilt and wonder of love you live and die in everyday, and I will laugh at you. And youre feeble attempts at keeping me in your life I'm ending this. Right here. Right now. |
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